Cathedral Peak, Santa Barbara

Nothing like a 6am start time, with 3+ hours of amazing views.

Samadhi

Lately, I have been doing anything & everything I can to keep my mind distracted... from attending church to running an extra 10 miles, just because. And proudly, this has forced me back into what will hopefully become a routine yoga practice. When I left NYC, besides leaving my running group "family", I also left a yoga practice that brought a whole new level of the city & the practice to my life.

And since being in Seattle, I had yet to find a replacement. Until now.

The beautiful thing about this particular studio, which is unlike anything I have ever experienced, was that at the beginning of the practice, we started out with song books. And spent the first 15 minutes chanting, singing, meditating our way inward.

Strangely enough, instead of relaxing me, I think the lack of practice in my life these last few months actually built up so much anxiety that I had to consciously focus on not letting the search for calm overwhelm me than calmingly enjoying my introduction back to yoga.

The practice lasted two hours... during that time, I experienced everything from my plantar fasciitis acting up to my hamstrings & hips refusing to move to my breath saving me when I almost collapsed in head stand. And what a joy it was to stand up & walk away feeling that I survived.

State of Mind: Working within my advantages....

From Murakami to Loss

I have always liked running, so it wasn't particularly difficult to make it a habit. All you need is a pair of running shoes and you can do it anywhere. It does not require anybody to do it with, and so I found the sport perfectly fits me as a person who tends to be independent and individualistic.
Haruki Murakami, author

Independent, check. Individualistic, check. I knew there was a reason why I loved Murakami so much, minus my jealousy of his global lifestyle of living in Japan-Cambridge-Hawaii, year-in & year-out.

This weekend was my first 20+ weekend this year & man-oh-man, was it good. In typical Washington-style, I ran primarily with all men, which isn't the hardest part of my life, if you know what I mean. From the streets of Mill Creek to the trails & waterfalls of Cougar Mountain, I felt an embarrassment of riches of sorts by being able to live near so many amazing running areas.

And the silent times allowed me to question my recent days & wipe away tears for the woman I never imagined losing. I guess every day leads to the next, which eventually leads to the last.

Strength in Rafa

Life is short...running makes it seem longer.
Baron Hansen

For me, that statement has never been more true. Watching someone I have loved my entire life become someone else, merely because of their own mortality, has given me a deeper sense to why running is so important.

When I was a teenager & first getting acquainted with running, I would spend some of my long runs dreadfully counting telephone poles. I needed something to focus on to get me through the miles, because they took forever. Seriously.

Now I dream of the moments of having time to breath, to think, to be alone in my own thoughts as the world sometimes feels like it is testing me to see how much I can bear. My single biggest daily challenge is to remember who I am & what I live for, those moments when I can get lost again.

But truthfully, I have no room for complaint. Because my days are, in large part, spent doing what I want to do. Planned around my very decisions. I need to remember these times because there will become a time when my choices, my decisions will not be nearly as much in my own control. So, every telephone pole I count now has a bit more meaning behind it.

Distance: With a new treadmill (think home gym circa 1983), plenty of easy miles
State of Mind: Pushing for more

Sweet & Sour

Moving from 2010 to 2011 is sweet & sour, all in one little bite. It's a relief to move beyond last year, but in so many ways I still don't feel ready. My indifference & inability to see clearly makes me feel less ready than ever to take the next step.

From a running perspective, it was the first year that I realized that my lifestyle may impact what I want for my future. The word I have trouble moving away from is "my", as it seems that what comes easy for others may not ever come easy for me. But as I toe the line of being a martyr, I couldn't imagine a better way to close the year than spending it with my family & realizing that my own faults, my own weaknesses...are truly not that overwhelming. And the next crossroad will become part of my past too, just like 2010.

Spending the last two weeks in a Mexican paradise taught me a lot about my goals for 2011. One, I love running. It's as simple as that. From beach runs to cobble stoned hills, I need to share my love with this sport as much as possible. But it's just not running that I adore, it's the rush of going within. From yoga to paddle boarding, I love the fearless, childlike manner that I need to somehow capture. There is nothing more enjoyable than being 100% committed to the moment. The moment when nothing else matters.

2010 didn't have nearly as much running as I wanted, but I plan to gently work on that in 2011. But I also plan on monopolizing as much time as possible to spend doing other activities, from swimming to hiking to meditation.

I recently read this quote that I just can't get out of my mind... "perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away". I think that will be my goal for this year!

Distance: Over canyons, under water, sinking into the sand...
State of Mind: Being happy for what I do have in this moment

2010

2010 has been a mystery to me. So many mistakes. Seriously. So many moments when I couldn't contain my emotions. Way too much second guessing. Newness beyond my belief. Just the thought of the year brings me to tears. Well, it's either that or the Bright Eyes that I can never seem to turn off as the night crawls on.

As I settle in my new neighborhood, my new life, I am full of discovery. From exploring the lakeside parks to being surrounded my middle aged men in my new club to running at the various outdoor areas just a few feet from my doorstep...I wonder how my fantasies, my inside dilemnas, my inperfectness continues to allow me to live beyond my wildest expectations.

Today was a typical day for me. Full of too many things to do, anxiety about the coming up week & a challenging run in the pouring down rain. To most, the hardest part of the day was the easiest for me. Composing myself while putting one foot in front of the other is the only way I know. And I am so thankful for it.