I am not entirely sure where this thought came from, but lately I have been thinking a lot about the imbalance of my relationships. Well, one in particular. The one I share with my husband. To break it down in how I see it, there are mental, a physical emotional components of our bond. Lately, I have started to realize that although I feel I excel at mentally & physically challenging him, I really fail at our emotional connection.

But when I expand that across my entire life, the truth is I fail at emotional connections in many aspects...including running. I can't remember the last, why even in the first time, that I was dramatically upset or happy about a race I participated in. To be honest, these days I run to physically tire myself & to mentally give myself a break. But where is the love? As the Black Eyed Peas said so eloquently. I know it's there. Well. I don't know if it is there, but I do know that if I don't love, in some emotional way, running...what do I love?

I guess I need some time to think about it. In the meantime, I will rush home & continue to push myself out the door to figure out why I lack something that seems to come so easily to others.

Distance: 4.5 miles
State of Mind: I think this is what happens when I spend too much time alone.

Up early on a Sunday to run with J. As we are both training for the Bellingham half, we have decided to meet up each Sunday for us to do her long run together. It will also be a chance for me to run my legs into the ground after running long on Saturdays.

As she works overnight shifts, I picked her up at the hospital & we headed out on the waterfront for an easy out & back on the Burke Gilman trail. I talked almost the entire time, no surprise for her to listen to me chatter on & on about my life. And she surprised me with her ability to keep the pace & feel strong all the way through.

Running so early proved to be quite beautiful. The trail was quiet, the views were spectacular. From rowers on the water, to great sculptures, to amazing industrial views of the city...I was impressed by what Seattle has to offer. For a brief moment, it brought me back to Brooklyn. Which made my heart sink a bit.

Here is a link to the route J mapped out: http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=381756

Distance: 6.1 miles
State of Mind: Excited to discover all the beauty Seattle has to offer.

Excited to run with East Side Runners this morning as I really wanted to get some strong training underway. But constantly meeting at new locations is always scary as I have no idea what terrain I will need to take on.

Like usual, I showed up at a random parking lot in a random suburban city on the East side. It must be strange for the outside world to watch runners come together & do what only few can do well.

We ended up running at the Kirkland watershed, a small wooded area in South Kirkland. The run consisted of doing a 1.2 mile loop near the watershed & heading out on the road for an out & back before taking on the watershed loop again.

I was excited to see my running crush there this morning. And fortunate enough that he decided to jog with me for a few miles before leaving me for faster runners. It was nice to chat it up with a super talented, cute guy as it is pretty slim pickings in the ESR club. After he dropped me, I ended up running alone for a bit & wondering why the group divided so quickly. Thankfully, I found another runner who seemed tolerant enough to let me run next to him. We ran together & joined another runner that I had met a few weeks back to form our own little pack.

It was nice to run together with some fast guys as the hills on this course proved to be quite challenging. From the trails to the road, there seemed to be a challenge around every corner. And for some reason, maybe because of all the male ego, we never slowed & I found us running at a very quick clip for almost the entire run.

Even though it wasn't as long as I wanted to go, I definitely put in the effort each & every moment my feet were pounding the ground.

Distance: 8.5 miles
State of Mind: Tired, in the good way.

I was naively thinking that last week was an anomaly. It can't possibly take that long to go from downtown to the East side on a random Wednesday night. Right? Well, tonight I learned otherwise. Again rushing out of work as soon as I could to try to make ESR track practice came with its complications. Arriving late, workout already started, I decided to run the opposite way on the track until I found a "group" that looked my pace. After annoyingly asking what the workout was, what pace we were going, how far into far in they already were...a group of guys let me join the workout-in-progress.

Tonight was a hard night though, I have to say these ESR are all business. We ended up doing a tempo run (3 miles) & 2x800 immediately following. I hung back with a new group of people, going a bit slower than I wanted & taking more of a rest than asked for. I am learning that sometimes it's better to follow other than lead, it is obvious I have so much to learn.

On a sad note, my new running boyfriend may be toooooo fast for me. He seemed in & out (done with the workout) before I was midway through. Timing is everything, but I'm not giving up so easily. He is just too cute.

Distance: 2.5 miles @ 7:15 (late) + 2x800 @ 6:45...with 800 recovery between
State of Mind: Trying to make it work.

Week one of training is going really well, probably because I'm intentionally setting my expectations low (at least at this point). I've come to notice that I can be quite hard on myself, something I truly see as inhibiting my growth.

Went on a solo run tonight, just me, the trails & my thoughts. As I settle in Seattle, my thoughts seem to be going in the same direction as usual...crushs, dreams, future plans. I guess some things never change. Living in the present is just so damn hard for me.

Distance: 5 miles
State of Mind: Head down, sun beaming down, eyes on the road...

Week one of training begins today, but with the whole summer to get in top shape I am doing my best to take it easy these first few weeks. So I convinced the hubs to run with me tonight, which has its pros & cons. On one hand, it is great for our relationship to actually spend time together (who would have thought) but on the other hand he is just soooo slow. Cute but slow. We ended up running to Red Hook Brewery & back, a common route for us these days. Although I barely broke a sweat while he was huffing & puffing, I did have a smile on my face the whole time.

Distance: 6ish miles
State of Mind: Running slow is good for you, right?

Met up with J to run Green Lake this afternoon. As she didn't want to do too many miles, I decided to run an outside loop on my own before joining her for another loop. Green Lake could be equated to the Prospect Park of Seattle...with less hills, less trees & more lake. The outside loop isn't all that beautiful, but it does offer a bit more distance. And although it is a new for me, I think this is where I will call home. Today is officially my last day of non-training as tomorrow starts my path to the Bellingham Bay Half Marathon.

Distance: 6.4 miles
State of Mind: Could have run more...