Strength in Rafa

Life is short...running makes it seem longer.
Baron Hansen

For me, that statement has never been more true. Watching someone I have loved my entire life become someone else, merely because of their own mortality, has given me a deeper sense to why running is so important.

When I was a teenager & first getting acquainted with running, I would spend some of my long runs dreadfully counting telephone poles. I needed something to focus on to get me through the miles, because they took forever. Seriously.

Now I dream of the moments of having time to breath, to think, to be alone in my own thoughts as the world sometimes feels like it is testing me to see how much I can bear. My single biggest daily challenge is to remember who I am & what I live for, those moments when I can get lost again.

But truthfully, I have no room for complaint. Because my days are, in large part, spent doing what I want to do. Planned around my very decisions. I need to remember these times because there will become a time when my choices, my decisions will not be nearly as much in my own control. So, every telephone pole I count now has a bit more meaning behind it.

Distance: With a new treadmill (think home gym circa 1983), plenty of easy miles
State of Mind: Pushing for more

Sweet & Sour

Moving from 2010 to 2011 is sweet & sour, all in one little bite. It's a relief to move beyond last year, but in so many ways I still don't feel ready. My indifference & inability to see clearly makes me feel less ready than ever to take the next step.

From a running perspective, it was the first year that I realized that my lifestyle may impact what I want for my future. The word I have trouble moving away from is "my", as it seems that what comes easy for others may not ever come easy for me. But as I toe the line of being a martyr, I couldn't imagine a better way to close the year than spending it with my family & realizing that my own faults, my own weaknesses...are truly not that overwhelming. And the next crossroad will become part of my past too, just like 2010.

Spending the last two weeks in a Mexican paradise taught me a lot about my goals for 2011. One, I love running. It's as simple as that. From beach runs to cobble stoned hills, I need to share my love with this sport as much as possible. But it's just not running that I adore, it's the rush of going within. From yoga to paddle boarding, I love the fearless, childlike manner that I need to somehow capture. There is nothing more enjoyable than being 100% committed to the moment. The moment when nothing else matters.

2010 didn't have nearly as much running as I wanted, but I plan to gently work on that in 2011. But I also plan on monopolizing as much time as possible to spend doing other activities, from swimming to hiking to meditation.

I recently read this quote that I just can't get out of my mind... "perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away". I think that will be my goal for this year!

Distance: Over canyons, under water, sinking into the sand...
State of Mind: Being happy for what I do have in this moment

2010

2010 has been a mystery to me. So many mistakes. Seriously. So many moments when I couldn't contain my emotions. Way too much second guessing. Newness beyond my belief. Just the thought of the year brings me to tears. Well, it's either that or the Bright Eyes that I can never seem to turn off as the night crawls on.

As I settle in my new neighborhood, my new life, I am full of discovery. From exploring the lakeside parks to being surrounded my middle aged men in my new club to running at the various outdoor areas just a few feet from my doorstep...I wonder how my fantasies, my inside dilemnas, my inperfectness continues to allow me to live beyond my wildest expectations.

Today was a typical day for me. Full of too many things to do, anxiety about the coming up week & a challenging run in the pouring down rain. To most, the hardest part of the day was the easiest for me. Composing myself while putting one foot in front of the other is the only way I know. And I am so thankful for it.

To Run

When planning my weekend long run, I began to question the need to go long at all, especially with no particular goal in mind. Why run long? Why do speed workouts? Frankly, why run at all. All these questions, this inner dialogue, began to make me think about my goals as a runner.

The conclusion I came to was quite obvious, actually. I don't run to race. I don't run to stay trim. I don't run to raise my heart rate. I run because I love it. I truly do. I love discovering a city through running, I love the simple chatter of other runners, I love feeling my body work hard, I love trying to keep myself in control.

So although I don't have a particular race in mind & although I don't feel in the best shape of my life, I am not going to simply let go of something that brings me so much joy. A joy that when I think about it actually is hard to contain.

So instead of staying out late, sleeping in, making brunch...today, like most Saturdays, I got up & ran a gorgeous run through dozens of neighborhoods in Seattle. I met up with my current club, the East Side Runners to tackle 14 miles. We played games, we absorbed the fall colors that are simply amazing to take in & we kept plugging along even when the hills became endless. Not because we love each other, not because we love Seattle, but because we share the love of the run.

Distance: From a weekly view, increasing more & more
State of Mind: I guess joy is my state of mind

Lessons Learned

I typically hate the saying “lessons learned”, something that marketing has made a part of my sometimes daily vernacular. But when it comes to running, I did have a few of those lessons this last weekend. Both very different, but both very much the same. The run on Saturday in South Kirkland w/ ESR’s was very Pacific NW-esq. Full of rain, leaves & grey grey skies. And although weather is no match for determination, my legs were dead. Not from overtraining, not from a long Friday run, not from poor habits…but from the lack of training finally catching up with me. It was a sour pill to swallow, but one I am going to have to getting used, I suppose. And although it did make me feel quite alone as the men I was running with laughed at my pace, Sunday’s race made it all better.

On Sunday, I ran in the UW Dawg Dash 5K with Jesi & my uncles family. I decided early on to take it easy & not caring about the pace paid off because it allowed me to enjoy each step, share the experience my younger, extremely ambitious cousins & walk away feeling fulfilled.

This weekend taught me a lot about my attitude towards my passion for running. Hopefully I can find a better balance as 2010 comes to a close.

Distance: Maybe 14 for the weekend
State of Mind: Mind over matter…

Power of Deduction

When it's hard, it's hard. I don't really no what else to say. Well, except...there is nothing like a speed workout to really put you in your place.

Tonight, at the ESR speed workout, we did 6x800's. I barely hung on for two, but kept at it for the remaining four while I dreamed of escaping to a place as beautiful as the sunset we were experiencing. Although my times were nothing be proud of, I was proud of myself for hanging on. After all, I am nothing but a glutton for punishment. Plus, the group I ran with tonight...mostly consisting of older men...made me realize that my youth really means nothing anymore.

On a lighter note, one of the best things about the speed workouts lately is the grandstand speakers that are turned on as the high school girls are playing their soccer games. For some ungodly reason, they really love love love Eminem. Which in all honesty, only helps my running. But if they are going to focus on that one artist, why not play Love the Way You Lie. Now that's a song. Take away the lyrics or Ri's outfit...I don't need any of that. It's just the pure passion & intensity of such a tragic love story that gets me. I miss that feeling of being so out-of-control that I once had. Sometimes memories of it are the only thing that bridge my day-to-day life together.

Distance: 6x800 with a half mile warmup & warmdown
State of Mind: My fitness is so transparent